Cheney defends Bill of Rights

"I'm honored to have played a role in Mr. Cheney's exercise of his second-amendment rights," said Whittington. "The pain and disfigurement is a small price to pay in defending the vision of our founding fathers. After all, if doddering old business tycoons shooting each other in the face isn't necessary to the maintenance of a well-regulated militia, I don't know what is."

(Joking! Stole some of this concept from an old "story" in The Onion.)